Fast Track

Kids do tend to learn efficiently in small groups.  They seem to be able to help each other out in their own "language" and seem to connect slightly better than we adults can with each other.  It's been proven in countless studies.

Of course, as everyone knows, we don't use small groups exclusively for a few reasons.  One is that kids learn different and some learn better by using other methods.  The other main reason, as we have all experienced, is that you always get at least one partner who just wants to glide through without doing a bloody thing. 

While one of my classes was working in small groups the other day, I noticed one of the kids just sitting there while the others were working pretty hard.  He didn't even have anything in front of him to pretend to be busy with.  I've had to "sit on" this kid before for being kinda lazy, so I walked over and said, "And just what are you working on right now?"

The kid never even looked up.  "I'm waiting on them to catch up to me before I go on."  (His group members kind of rolled their eyes while they continued to work.)

Pretty creative, I totally didn't see that one coming. 

The Rabbit and the Hare

I've told in past blogs about the new playground equipment we had put in.  The kids love them, and swarm them everyday.  Even kids that are scared of heights and can't quite make it to the top or over still love to try to master it. 

I was watching a little boy climbing on the new wall, and he wasn't doing so well.  He had reached a spot near the top and was kind of just sticking there.

"You stuck?" I asked, which was a pretty stupid question. 

He looked at me like I was an idiot.  I deserved his look of disdain.  "It's time like this," he spoke to himself, "that I wonder what Jesus would do."

That's pretty funny, to be that clever while being in a spot that he was scared to death of AND having to deal with incompetent teachers like me asking him redundant questions.

His brother was nearby and answered his rhetorical question.  "If I was Him, I'd hold on tight and give myself mercy." 

They're both brilliant.

Future Therapist

Sorry about no post last Friday.  It was a little crazy.  Anyways...

I'm notorious for being single at school.  The kids like to check up on me and give me a hard time.  As I was passing out work one day, the kids were lightly picking on me.

Them:  "Get a life yet?"

Me:  "Not yet apparently."

Them:  "Still no woman, huh?"

Me:  "Guess I'm doomed to be alone forever."

I happened to be in front of one little boy who decided to give me a way out. 

He looked up at me and said, "Why settle for one when you can have 'em all?"

Bless that kid.  He passes with an "A" this year.

Not Again...

The very first post on this blog was about how I'm often mistaken for a younger person, which is annoying.  That story told how I was mistaken for one of my sixth graders, which is just pathetic.  Well, if that was funny to you (with your twisted sense of humor), then I have a follow up story.  This actually happens to me alot, but I try not to dwell on it.  Which isn't easy considering I almost get carded for buying a bottle of pop.

If you notice a gap in the posting for the last couple weeks, it's because I was at a Educational Technology Conference in Louisville.  Since I wasn't at school, I didn't post for the day.  Well, the more I think of it, the more I think this story should be shared.

What happens at a conference is that you go to sessions to learn new things to try in your classes.  At other times, they have a big room full of people that try to sell you things.  These are the fun people because they give away all kinds of stuff.  I made a killing in ink pens, but I digress.

I was walking around "shopping" with a lady from work and we stopped at one booth.  The lady at the booth talked only to my companion, and ignored me completely (which was cool because that allowed me to go behind her and jack more pens while she was distracted). 

After several minutes, she turns, looks at me, and looks back to my accomplice.  "Is this one of your students?" she asked.

I have never seen a more profound look of confusion as I did on that ladies face as we cackled ourselves away, stealing more pens for conpensation as we went.

Mt. Everest

Over the weekend, we had some new playground equipment put up.  There is a digging chair (with a little backhoe attachement in a sandpit), a climbing wall, and one of those things with a wheel that the kids spin while standing on by running on it Flintstones-style.

The kids got to play on them for the first time today.  They were so excited!  Being good at climbing, I stationed myself at the wall so I could help those that were guaranteed to get stuck at the top.  I helped several kids to climb over the top and down the other side.  Most were fine climbing, but there were a few that wanted to master their fear of heights, and a few others that didn't know they were afraid of heights til they were at the top.

One set of two little girls conquered their fears, and I was very proud of them.  They did need a bit of encouragement, however.  One mastered the wall on her second attempt, the other on her third.  The first attempt was the best.

They prepared to climb at the bottom with no racing, letting all around know that they were taking their time.  Both climbed up just fine.  At the top, however, looking down the other side was a tall order.  Our paraeducator was at the bottom urging them on.  I was at the top attempting to talk them over.  Their classmates are scattered around beneath yelling up encouragement (along with the occasional "Do a flip!"). 

They're at the top with everyone cheering them on.  They're not quite high enough to get over the bar, but also unwilling to go any higher.  Neither wants to give up.  So they look back at each other and each girl attempts to support the other girl while they climb over first.  As expected, this is getting nowhere in a hurry.

Finally, one girl looks at the other.  "That's high, isn't it?'

"Yup."

A long glance down for both of them.

"Next time, we SO got this."

"Absolutely."

And then they climbed down.  And immediately got back in line and tried again.  And again, until they got over the top.  And then they kept going.  And that's how you face a fear.

Not as funny as usual, but still very worth reading.  Take a lesson from the girls.  Never give up, and never be afraid to try new things.

Not My Time...

Our principal was doing a special lesson for social studies.  He had the room all prepared ahead of time.  On the Promethean Board was projected a picture of Arlington National Cemetary, to set the mood for the lesson as soon as the kids went into the room.

The students were lined up on the wall, but he wasn't there yet.  Since I was standing there, I told the class to go ahead on in and I'd watch them.  I hadn't yet entered the room when one of my little girls came walking slowly out of the classroom.  Her eyes were wide and she looked, well, like she had seen a ghost.

"All those graves." she said.  "There is death in that room." 

She looked up at me with those wide eyes.

"I'm too young to die!"

Clothing Malfunction

The end of the day is one of the most hectic times of the whole school day.  Kids (and teachers, but not in that order) are ready to be released and head home.  Sometimes, people get a little carried away in the rush.

One day, the kids were getting their backpacks ready to go, cleaning up their areas, and getting their jackets on.  One little boy had thrown his off in a hurry that morning and the sleeves were all pulled up inside themselves. 

He had the hood down covering his face ( he didn't intend for it to happen that way, it got pulled down in the epic struggle), both arms are about halway through the sleeves, and theres about 4, maybe five inches of arm sticking from the jacket.  Emenating from the jacket are all manner of grunts and groans and roars. 

It was hilarious.

Finally, the hood gets thrown from his eyes and he looks down at his apparent arm-less torso.  "Ahhhh!" he screams.  "All I have is nubs!"

Looking back, I probably should have helped instead of collapsing with laughter. 

Like Father, Like Son

In class, we were discussing life cycles and life spans.  We talked about how people grow as they get older and the stages that people go through.  I wanted them to think about how they change over time, so I got them to think of what their parents and older siblings look like.

"You tend to look alot like your mom or your dad, so how they look now, you might look like that someday." I told them. 

One little boy did NOT like that idea.  "But I don't want to look like my dad!" he yelled.  "I don't want a big bald spot in the back of my head!"

Genetics suck, don't they kid.

Eau De Toilette

I put my students in groups quite often.  I won't go into the educational reasons, but there are alot of good reasons for group work in school. 

Anyways, at young ages, girls and boys really hate sometimes to be put in mixed-gender groups.  Cootie scares and all, you know how it is. 

A little girl in my class was in a group with a little boy and neither of them were very happy about it.  I don't really mind.  I think everybody should learn to get along with everyone and work together as a team.  It's something we're working on. 

They were working with some different minerals, some of which had a strong odor to them.  The little girl kept making faces and holding her nose.  The boy didn't seem to mind or notice.

Finally, the little girl had had enough.  "I cannot stand this... this... smell anymore!" she exclaimed.

"What is it?" I asked, even though I had a good idea.

"I dunno." she said.  "But its pretty rough."

At this point, the boy, who had been clueless up to that point, decided to chime in.   "That's my man-stank!" he said proudly.

Upon closer examination of the situation, well, maybe it was...  He did know his stuff after all.

Teen Idol

I teach elementary age girls.  Therefore, I get daily updates as to what Zac Efron, Robert Patinson, The Jonas Brothers, and Taylor Lautner are doing with their lives.  I've never seen quite an obsession.

One little (and I do mean little) girl had a particularly medieval crush on Zac Efron.  One day at recess, a group of these love-smitten teeny-boppers are discussing their love interests WAY too closely to where I'm stationed with an aide to watch over them.  The topic for the day is: 6 packs.

Another of the little girls mentioned how hot (which is strange when coming from an eight year old girl) somebody's six pack was. 

The little girl mentioned above got a star crossed look in her eyes.  "Oh, I love those."  Then that look was replaced by one of confusion.  She looks at me.  "Wait, does Zac Efron have a six-pack?" She asks me. 

I looked at her.  "You don't know what that is?"  She shook her head no. 

I won't even touch the fact that she had just commented that it was hot.  Mostly because I don't want to think about it.

"That's when you can see the muscles in someone's belly." I informed her. 

A glint appeared in her eye.  "Oh, that is SO hot." she whispered to herself.



And that's why, Your Honor, that I can never look at Zac Efron again.

Gender Wars

In the elementary grades, there is always a competition between girls and boys.  One gender always wants to outdo the other.

One day while the kids were working on a science experiment, I was sitting next to one group helping them along.  One of the little girls was getting very frustrated with her male partners and was venting to me.

"Those boys," She'd say, "They'd slow and silly and smelly and just a big pain in the neck." (Edited slightly of course because I can't recall the exat rant she went on, but you get the idea.) 

One of her partners, who was one she was venting about, was working nearby and overheard.  He looked up slowly and in a low almost whisper said, "Hey.  I'm right here."

Poor boys.  At least he knew it was about him.

Missed Ya!

I had to go to a conference for most of a school week.  I hated being gone, but that couldn't be helped.  While I was away, we got some new students.  My first day back, I got introduced and class went on as normal.

During lunch, I walked past a table of my younger students.  Keep in mind that I have grades 3 to 6, so there's a bit of a range.  Anyway, I walked past the table and one of my little girls yelled, "I missed you!" 

That's sweet.

Another girl yelled out, "I missed you, too!" 

Well, that makes your day, doesn't it?

The new girl yells out, "Well, I kinda missed ya..."

Hey, she tried.  Nothing like the love (kinda...) of a child.

Evil Genious

My kids call me a mad scientist (which I am).  I also have them trained to call me evil (again, I am).  However, every now and then I'm far outdone by my students.

I was doing a lesson where the students had to glue some stuff onto paper.  Nothing too hard, right?  I'm walking around making sure everybody is following directions good, when I notice that one of my little boys has a crazed look in his eyes.

As I walk over to him to see what's going on, this is what I observe, in chronological order:
     *He is putting glue on the back of a little man-shaped piece of paper.
     *He slowly places the man-paper down onto the larger piece, spreading it out almost in slow motion.  He is giggling maniacally while he does this.
     *He begins to talk to the little paper man.  He is still giggling like a maniac.
     *This what he is saying to it.   "And now, you're stuck there forever...  Mwa-ha-ha...."

Holy kiddie criminal Batman, this kid's one lab accident away from supervilliany.

Rules of the Road...

One of my little boys is way too obsessed with driving.  Today, as he was leaving my room to go to his next class (which is to the left), he did something a little different.

He threw his left hip to the side and started shaking it back and forth while making "click click" noises.  I had to ask what the heck he was doing.

His answer, "Putting on my turn signal."

Of course.  Why didn't I think of that?

When you grow up...

Our special needs teacher also does interventions for us in math and reading.  She takes part of the class out at a time and just gives them all a little extra.  This happens several times a week, so they see her quite a bit.

We all like to see her, and she's very unique.  She comes up with all kinds of fun things for them to do and is quite loud voiced.

After a fun activity, I just happened to be in the copy room where she was working with a group of my kids.  One of the little girls asked her if she wanted to be a teacher someday.

She laughed for the rest of the class, leaving the little girl wondering why she thought that was funny.

Communication Error

I have previously mentioned the new guinea pig in the classroom.  Well, for an update, the little guy/girl (I'm not sure, he/she still freaks out when I try to pick it up) isn't quite as terrified as he was previously, however, he still hasn't overcome the "they're going to kill me!" urge quite yet.  He has started making some excited squeaking noises, which wikipedia assures me is a general excitement noise.  I take that as a step forward.

Based on the amount that he squeaks, I'm going to assume he's (I'm calling him a guy for now) very hyper and wants to share his energy.  The kids love to hear him "talk" to them, even though he's probably just screaming the guinea pig equivalent of "Please don't eat me!". 

During a semi-quiet moment, the kids were all working and the guinea pig was chattering on.  I looked around the room and happened to catch one of my boys doing a squinty-eyed stare at the poor creature while rubbing his temples.  It's the look you give when you're trying to telepathically kill someone. 

I asked him what he was doing, and he said, "I'm communicating with the guinea pig."  At my blank stare, he added, "He's not saying much."  Well, that's a good sign.  For the kid, anyway.

So it seems I have in my room, a guinea pig whisperer.

It's Potty Time!

Anyone thats taught for long at all knows a story like this.

I was teaching my class the other day and little boy approached.  This kid was doing the best "pee-pee" dance I've ever seen, and I've seen plenty.  This kid was twisting and turning and just barely able to walk over. 

As he got about ten feet away however, something changed.  He freezes, stands straight up, and says, "Oh yeah, I don't have to go right now."  And then walked back to his seat.

Of course, five minutes later, I get a repeat performance that actually makes it to me.  He has to go really, really bad, I'm informed.

Sure you do kid. Sure you do.

After School

Since I've been teaching, I've also worked all the afterschool projects.  It starts fairly soon after the beginning of the school year and kids can sign up and stay after school for a while to do all kinds of various things designed to help them learn while having fun.

So one day, I'm walking around to the different classes passing out forms for the interested kids to take home to their parents.

I stopped in to our first/second grade room and gave the con job about what the after school program was and what we did there and when it was and how much fun we had.  Of course almost every child raised their hand.  There's always one, however, that will stand above the crowd.

A little boy grabbed a paper from my hand with a crazed look in his eyes. "Oh you better give me one of those." he said.  "Mom wants me outta the house bad."

After keeping him for a few years, I can sympathize.

GP Level

Recently, a thoughtful person in the community donated a guinea pig to my classroom.  I have several pets in my class, making it smell the way a science class should smell.  We all do our part.

If you know much about rodents (don't we all?) then you know that guinea pigs are not specially suited for life in a classroom.   They are very nervous, timid creatures that tend to flip the heck out at crowds, loud noises, lots of people trying to pet them, etc.  So you can imagine the havok that in unleashed in their world in a hands-on classroom.

Nevertheless, I thought we'd give him a try and see how he handles it.  If he does good, we'll keep him.  If not, he can feed one of the pet snakes.  (Note: That was a joke.  The guinea pig will NOT be fed to a snake.  Guinea pigs are too large a prey for my snakes.  So we'll go with option 2; raffling him off to a willing kid.)

My largest class came in at some point, and I told them about the new pet and how nervous it is and that we need to try to be as quiet as possible (I love the little guy already.  An excuse to make them be quiet that they feel guilty about lol).  The class, normally, started to get a bit loud.  A quick glance to the cage showed that yes, our little friend was indeed flipping out by literally flipping around his cage, sometimes getting almost a foot into the air.

I watched for a moment, then yelled at the class, "Ok, you need to keep it down!  The GP (Guinea Pig) Level is too high.  Anything over four inches is just not acceptable."

I thought it was a good way to say be quiet.  And not one kid mentioned my ability to speak in parenthesis :)