In the Jungle...

My first day of student teaching, I walked around the room as the normal teacher was doing the lesson.  The lesson for the day was on tree rings, about how the trees grew a new layer every growing season (about one a year) so that you could tell how old a tree was.  When the lesson was finished, their assessment was to color a picture of tree rings and count them.

I walked around the room watching as the kids colored.  Most of the stumps were brown, tan, yellow, etc.  One little boy, however, was coloring wildly with every color known to man and a few that I'm pretty sure were new. 

I asked him, "Bub, what's wrong with your tree?" in a joking manner.

Without looking up, he replied, without hesitation, "Mine's gots Jungle Fever!"

I had to walk outside my first half hour of teaching just to laugh.

Justice League

At our school, we're allowed to dress casually on Fridays. 

There was a little boy there that would only call me Batman, for whatever reason.  That's the only thing he would ever call me.  I feel the need to mention he was very young, and not yet in any of my classes.  But, for all intents and purposes, I was Batman to him.

Now, I'm not the kind to pass up a good joke.  So, one casualy Friday I decide to mess with his mind, as I am apt to do.  I wore a Superman tshirt to work.  I couldn't wait to pass him in the hall to see what would happen with his customary, "Hi Batman!"

Friday comes around, I go to work in my super duds, and when the time is right, walk down the hall so that I pass him.

He looks up, hand in the air to wave and says, "Hi, Bat...."  A look of confusion crosses his face.  Finally, he shrugs, says, "Hi Batman!" and happily trods off to breakfast.

All that happened in the space of about 3 seconds.  So, it didn't matter what I was wearing, dang it, I WAS Batman.

Just to let you know, he doesn't call me that much anymore.

Lights! .... Action!

We were working with lights in my science class.  Each group was given a bulb with a half-circle reflector.  One little boy was hooking it up.  He put the bulb in the socket, and laid the reflector down, bulb side up.  Keep that thought.  Then, he plugs the cord in.

Now, this particular model has a switch on the wire, to turn the bulb on.  Remember how the boy laid the light down with the bulb pointing upward?  Kind of pointing at his face?  Let's break down the rest of the story in number format.

1. He thumbs the switch, turning the light on.
2. Light, being the selfish pain-in-the-butt it is, smacks into his face at the speed of, well, light.
3. Caught completely unaware, the little boy drops everything, covers his eyes with his hands, and proceeds to scream, "Ah!  Ah!  Ah!"  at the top of his lungs.

Sometimes, its hilarious when they don't listen.

Sticks and Stones...

I had the privelage one year of teaching summer school.  Not only that, but I got to teach kindergarten, which is a big difference from my normal grade 3 to 6 range, so I was looking forward to it. 

Of course, it was a big change and took alot of adjustment on my part, but I had a great time. 

One day, towards the close of the summer, a little girl comes up to me crying.  I kneel down and use my comforting voice to try to soothe her.  "What's wrong sweety?"

Her lip trembles a bit and she points to a little boy across the room.  She sniffles a little bit and has to fight to control herself.  "He called me sexy!"

That's kind of amusing coming from a couple of kindergartners.  However, I try to keep the smile off my face and deal with it.  However, before I can say anything, she has more to say.

"He called me sexy...  And I am NOT sexy!" she bawled.

Well, I'll have to agree.  Cute, hilarious, and adorable, are a different matter, though.

Anger Management

One of our little girls was giving me the evil eye one morning as I walked by. Since this child is not in my classes, I wondered what I had done, so I stopped to talk to her.

She was mad at our superintendent, she told me, because we were on an hour delay that morning and her class didn't get to have P.E. Which is the reason she was upset. Well, part of the reason.

Going on, she said was even madder because our superintendent, who lives close to her, stole her ice cream. Naturally, I was curious.

"He went to your house and stole your ice cream?" I asked. I had to hear this story.

"No silly." she began, "I picked out the ice cream I wanted at the store, and before we got it, he took it and left."

That's priceless.

Oh, and the kind she had picked out, that the superintendent got the last of, it was simple Neapolitan.

Stuck

I had a little girl in science class that would sit and smile like the Cheshire Cat the entire time I was in front of the class. She also had a habit of raising her hand every few minutes to ask a question. And, every time I would call on her, she would grin even bigger and say, "Hi."

So one day I'm in the front of the room and there she sits, smiling big as ever with her hand in the air. As the year had progressed, I'd tell her to only raise her hand if she had an actual question, so I was ignoring her at first. (She was still learning that particular skill) As minutes passed and her hand remained in the air, I finally decided to address it.

"If I call on you, are you going to say Hi?" I asked her.

She grinned extra big and said, "Maybe..."

I took it in stride and kept going with the lesson. Her hand stayed in the air. Thinking I would help her take the hint, I told her to put her hand down.

After I got them all to working on something, a different little girl brought me up a note, saying it was from the first one.

"Is this going to say Hi?" I asked her again.

And again, she smiled extra big and said, "Maybe..."

Sighing, I opened the note. Here's what it said, verbatim:

"I'm stuck. Could you help me?"

I looked at her. "Are you stuck?"

She smiled again and nodded yes. Her foot had been caught between the bars on her desk the entire class.

I'm not completely sure if I'm the victim or the antagonist in this story. Any thoughts?

Tourist Season

A girl was reading aloud from the social studies textbook. She got to a part that said "It's the President's job to protect us from terrorists."

What she said was, "It's the President's job to protect us from tourists."

Not bloody likely. Thanks Obama.

Inventive

During a social studies class, we somehow got on to the subject of the President's plane, Air Force One. I was just telling some random facts and mentioned, "It's supposed to be impervious to a nuclear blast."

One kid had that "thinking" look on his face, and after a few minutes, raised his hand.

"What do they make it out of?" he asked. "Cockroaches?"

I really wish I had thought of that.

Undergarments

One day, a boy walked into class with two sleeveless shirts on. Having not seen a kid wear two such shirts together, I asked him why he was wearing them that way.

He looked down, scrunched his head, and got an idea. "Oh, that's my sports bra." he said proudly.

Well, I asked.

Hug?

Our first day back after Christmas, a girl from the Kindergarten class (which I don't teach) comes up at breakfast and asks, "Can I hab a hug?"

I lean over a little and she wraps her little arms around me while I pat her head.

With arms around me, she announces, "My hands are weally, weally sticky."

Thanks sweety. Makes me all warm inside. :)