If... Then...

We were counting money in a math lesson today.  One of my little boys got excited and told me, "When I'm President, I'm going to make a $4 bill."

Ok.  I had to know, so I asked, "What would you do that for?"  I should have known better.

While he looked at me like I was asking why it hurts to lick electricity, one of his friends answered, "So you can break $100 bills." 

Then they both grin at me like that explained everything.

Is it just me that is totally lost in that exchange?

Crush

One of my little girls came up to me one morning as proud as she could be.  I knew that she had a crush on one of her older brother's friends.  I was sure she was about to tell me more about that from her blushing face and silly grin. 

"I got a hug from him!" she exclaimed.  I smiled and asked her what she did after the hug.

Looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world, she told me, "I turned bright red and ran away!"

Aww, young love.

Checking...

We did math problems the other day.  Most teachers will tell you that there are always a couple kids that finish every assignment quickly and perfectly.  As usual, I had some to do that, so I gave them a job.

"Go around and check the others and make sure they're doing good." I told them.

One of the little boys took it seriously.  "I better put on my checking face," he said.  With that, he made a horrible frown, in the manner of Walter, from Jeff Dunham.

Apparently, the math teacher needs to smile more.

Nicknames

As we were walking up the hall this morning, one of my little girls came up and said, "Do you know what my new nickname is?"

I replied that I didn't, and she answered, "It's B.C."

Before I could ask the obvious question, she answered it for me.  "Mr. S gave it to me.  It stands for Birth Control."

...........?


As I leaned against the wall gasping for air, she told me the story.

In her words:

"My friend yelled at me yesterday in Mr. S's class and he thought they said Birth Control.  So that's my new name."






Honestly, a day with some kids is the best form of birth control you can get, I have to agree.

This Lil Piggy...

One of my little girls was trying to figure out the density of a sample she had been measuring.  She had taken the volume and the mass and was using a calculator to work out the density.  I normally hate calculators, but I just didn't have classtime to devote to the long division.

She kept typing the numbers into the calculator and restarting, getting more and more frustrated each time she started over.  Hoping to avoid controversy, I just observed, not saying anything.

Finally, she dropped it on the desk and looked up. "Mr. Hall!" she yelled.  "My fingers is trying to punch in the numbers, but they're too fat and the numbers is too skinny!"

Exactly how does one exercise their fingers?  My only thought was digging for nose gold.

With a Shovel...

We were doing an experiment in science class, and part of their assignment was to find the mass of some marbles.  The students were using a small electronic scale with a flat top. 

I was attempting to give some guidance on how to mass the marbles without them rolling off the scale.  "Take your little cup and lay it on the scale.  You should have the mass of the cup showing." I said.  They had to get rid of that number in order to find the mass of JUST the marbles.  We had been over this before, so I asked, "Now what do you hit?"

A voice from the back answered, "Rock bottom!"

They were right.

Flying Monkeys

We were talking about natural parks in social studies class.  For an assignment, I had them to create a nature park poster talking about how to protect a park that they imagined.  One of my little boys is quite obsessed with monkeys, so his park was monkey-themed, of course.

He was showing his poster off to the class and sharing his great love of monkeys with us.  Then,he proceeds to tell us that one of his strategies to protect his park was to put the monkeys in their pockets for protection.

All I could think of was the phrase, "monkey in my pocket."  But I didn't break.  I didn't laugh or giggle (though I will admit to a wicked smile).

Then, in a fit of imagination of pretending he was smuggling his beloved monkeys, he leans over and starts screaming at his belly (I hope), "Bad monkey!  No biting!"

I had to walk outside.

The Truth

In class today, the kids were filling out a worksheet.  One question asked:

Geography is _______________________________________.  Of course, it was looking for a definition.

One little boy had a better answer.

He wrote in, "Hard".

This Isn't the Place...

We were in class one day and I notice one of my little girls scribbling away on her notepad.  Since we were conducting an experiement that didn't require so much writing, I assumed she was writing a note to one of her buddies.

"Hey, put the note away or I'll read it to everyone." I told her.

She looked at me like I was an idiot and replied, "If I was going to write a note, I'd wait til I got to math class.  Duh."

I should probably tell the math teacher, but what fun would that be?   Besides, I have a hunch she knows already.

Back to the Future...

Kids today have a way of making you feel old, even if you don't feel it normally.

One day, one of my little boys brings up a box of sports cards.  "Will you watch these for me today so I don't lose them?" he asks.

My students always bring me stuff they don't want to lose.  I told him to put them in a certain spot that I could watch.  However, he wanted to be sure I understood the importance of his loot.

"Some of these are collectibles, and some are really old," he told me.  "Some of them are even from the 19's!"

Really, guy?  Really?

Guess that proves that my generation had the coolest stuff after all.

Cuppa Joes?

Sometimes kids come from homes where there's more people than a traditional family.  They may have cousins or uncles living with them for a while. 

One day, one of my little boys comes up to me and just stares for a moment.  Finally, I say, "Can I help you?"

He nods thoughtfully and says, "There's two Joe's at my house.  Big Joe and Little Joe."

"Ok," I replied.

"You're somewhere in the middle of my Joe's." he informed me.

So I'm officially in between Joes at the moment.

Sorry! Another Twin Story

Sorry for the delay, folks!  I got a new computer at school where I update and there have been some technical issues.  But, I'm back online now and will resume (hopefully) daily posting.

I have two sets of twins in my classes, all girls.  Luckily, I don't have them together in class.  Anyway, I have helpers  to pass stuff out for me during class.  My science is all hands-on, so we use a lot of materials sometimes.  Well, one day, I had half the class passing stuff out.  One twin passed out sugar for me (for an experiment on solubility, I swear) and the other twin passed out cups. 

Later in the day, we needed more sugar.  So I tell the twin I thought had passed out the sugar originally to give all the groups a little more sugar.  She yells, "Ok!" and jumps up.

Before she can get any farther, her twin sister jumps up and says, "Hey!  I passed out the sugar, she passed out the cups!" 

The first twin looks offended and says, "No, I passed out the sugar, YOU passed out the cups." 

Then, to the classes amazement, they begin a heated (as heated as two sixty pound girls can get while wearing more pink than a Barbie dreamhouse) argument about who passed out what.

I had to stop them.  "Girls, if you can't keep track, we don't have a prayer."  I had them both pass out sugar.  It was easier and saved lives.

Story Time

I have a set of twins in my class.  They are two little girls who are hilarious.  Both are very skinny, and one is talkative and the other is quiet.

At the end of class, I asked if anyone had anything to share.  One of the twins raised their hand.  I called on her and she proceeds to tell me about her kicking her sister out of thier mom's belly because, "She was in a hurry and pushed me out."  As she would stop talking, the other would chime in with a detail.

"Hold up," I said.  "Are you seriously telling me the story of your birth?"  This was a new one, and I thought that I'd heard everything.

"Yep," one of the twins confirmed.  Then they finished their story together about how big they were and how good they could kick and how their mom was SO glad to get them out.

I guess kids today DO have good memories.  And to be honest, I'd have stopped the story if I could have quit laughing.

News Flash

From Mrs. Routt:

NEWS FLASH….in 2nd grade math we have been working on place value (using base-10 pieces; bits, skinnies, and flats). We have worked on this since the first Monday of school.


Today, we were determining the number represented by the base-10 pieces shown…well I finally got a little boy to figure out the number. It was 106. So then I asked so “What is 100”? I said “with base-10 pieces—bits, skinnies, flats—what is 100”? He scratched his head as he always does when he is in deep thought (deep thought for him) and looked at my aide and I as serious as could be and said….”a big number”.

I couldn’t even do anymore after that. I thought I was going to die. LOL!!!!!!!



So, always remember that when asked “what is 100” that it is a “big number”.

Age is Just a Number...

One of my little girls is head over heels in love with an actor named Sean Faris.  The only problem is that she's 11 and he's 28.  A slight age difference to be sure.

However, she is not deterred.  "He'll wait on me." she tells us.

I asked her one day, "But would you marry such an old man?"

She looked shocked.  "No!" she exclaimed.

I thought I had broken the obsession.  Silly me.  She wasn't done.

"He has to propose before I can marry him.  Duh." 

This is logical.  I don't know how I thought anything else.

Starstruck

I don't watch much TV, so I'm usually out of the loop of new actors and shows.  As far as I'm concerned, Punky Brewster still rules the airwaves.  Anyway, my students usually keep me informed of the relevant shows.  We may not know whats on the news, or have any idea what is said during a state of the union, but we have Disney programming down. 

So there's a new actor named Sean Faris.  He's less than one year younger than me.  And at least two of my little girls have a MASSIVE crush on him.  And one of my little boys has a budding man-crush on him.  So, this guy is all that AND a bag of potato chips.

Today, during a few minutes of free time between classes, my trio fan club (called either the Faris Wheel or Sean Squad, depending on which girl you ask) were comparing Sean, Zac Efron, and Justin (full-body shudder) Bieber. 

They had decided that Zac had nice abs but was old news (though still hot), and that Justin was hot, but too girly (agreed).  They also agreed that Sean had a great set of abs. 

As they were discussing his abs, one little girl gets a far away look in her eyes.  She reaches out with one hand and says, "I just wanna touch 'em..." while making pawing movements.

My aide and I were crying so hard we couldn't reply.  If this guy only knew.  FYI, Sean Faris, according to wikipedia and IMDB is single.  So they (the girls) are convinced he's waiting on them.  And the boy is convinced that Mr. Faris is waiting on his mom. 

Next week, on As the Class Turns...

Bodybuilding

Somehow, today after recess, the boys in my class got to showing off their muscles.  They all had their shirt sleeves pulled back and were flexing for all the girls in the class. 

One of my skinniest, tiniest, most petite little girls wanted in on the action.  So she lifts her arm and flexes.  Honestly, there was no change in her arm. 

Sadly, she reached up with her other arm and squeezed the flexing arm.  Again, not much change.

Then she had an epithany.  "It feels like pudding."

I couldn't answer.  I was crying.

Being Helpful

I've talked alot about the climbing wall in our playground.  It's a great source of amusement.  Today, one of our little girls was determined to make it over on her own, without any help, even from me.  Once at the top, however, she got stuck. 

Luckily, she has a best friend that was there to support her.  The three supervising adults were laughing so hard we couldn't sit down.  The buddy on the ground, you know, for support, unleashed a torrent of taunting that I have rarely heard equal to. 

Probably the best moment came when the support girl started to climb up, which caused some vibrations.  "Stop climbing!  Get off!  What are you doing?!" shouted the girl at the top.

Without pausing, the other girl continued to climb and yelled, "I'm the fire department!  Coming to get a scaredy cat out of a tree!  (Ambulance noises)" 

So what finally got her over the edge?  The support girl's promise to just go away.

To Be or Not to Be...

The other classes, especially the preschool and kindergarten, will sometimes come into my class for a tour of the "zoo".  I usually have at least a degu and three snakes in the class.  The little ones love to come in and I'll tell a bit about the creatures and let the little ones pet the animals.

Today, the preschool came to a visit.  They had no idea what a degu was, but they were very interested.  I asked if anyone knew what it was. 

One spellbound little boy said, "I think there's something wrong with your rat, Mister..."

Well, that's one way to look at it.

Lefty's Back In Town

Sorry for being gone so long!  I was in AIT training for the army and was unable to post.  I'm back and working on one post per day once again. 

My first day back in town, I came to school to visit and say hi to everyone.  I had missed the first day of school this year and there was a sub in my room.  When I walked in at the end of the day, naturally, the kids had all kinds of stories to tell me. 

One little girl was telling me about a movie that I simply must go see, when a little boy to the side of her started pestering her, wanting to tell me something different.  She ignored him for a moment, then turned to him.

"Don't make me pull off righty." she told him.

As I pondered what on Earth that could mean, she pulled off her right flip-flop and proceded to smack the tar out of the boy.  He stopped. 

It looks like a commonplace occurance since I've been gone.  There is a healthy respect for "righty" in my class now.