The Horror!

One day, I was walking down the hallway because I needed to go to the office.  It was recess time, and the kids were in the gym with our aid.  The other teacher was watching students that were finishing work.

As I walked by her room, a little boy came out of the work room.  He throws him hands in the air and screams, "Finally!  Done with the spelling!" at the top of his lungs.

Then he pulls a "yess!" motion with his arm, followed by a rock star air-guitar rock motion.

Dramatic much?

Mouseketeer

One day, for an activity with simple machines, my students were in groups and they had to design a better mousetrap (non-lethal) that wouldn't kill the mouse.  Then, they had to design a tv ad for their invention.

One group had a great ad, featuring a mouse.  The little boy who was playing the mouse had mouse ears taped to his head and a set o f whiskers taped to his nose.  While he was preparing, I noticed him trimming his whiskers.  "What are you doing?" I asked.  I found out later he was trying to even up his whiskers.

He thought for a moment.  "Shaving." he replied.

I had never before thought about how mice would shave, but that day I did.

Avatar

One day, at lunch, a little girl walked up to the teacher table.  She was wearing an ICarly shirt, holding a huge ICarly poster.  Well, she had a friend holding the poster.  She was too busy modeling her shirt to hold anything.

"Do you think I look like anyone famous?" she asked the table.  I have to admit, she does favor the girl on the ICarly poster.  But I'll be darned if I give in that easily.

"Hannah Montana?" I venture with a smile. 

She frowns at me, puts her hand to her forehead in a searchinf-the-plains gesture and says, "Oh look, here's a girl that looks JUST LIKE ME."  At the last part, she starts butting her head toward the poster.  There's also a pretty large vein appearing on her forehead, much like Julia Roberts when she acts.

I figure she's about to pop, so I say, "Yeah, I think you look a little like ICarly."

She gives me a look and says, "You are SO slow sometimes.  Everybody else gets it first try."  Then she turns, friend in tow, and heads back to her table.

It's probably a good thing I didn't guess she looked like Punky Brewster.  She wouldn't have gotten it anyway.

Trouble

One day, as my kids trudged back from gym class, I learned that they had given the substitute teacher a hard time.  For punishem... I mean, positive reinforcement, I made them write a one-page apology letter to the gym teacher. 

Things were going well, until a little boy walked up.  He handed me his half-full paper and asked if it was enough.  "Nope, it's gotta be a full page." I told him.

"Come on!" he exclaimed.  "I can't think of anything else to write and I've already used the same sentence three times!"

Hug, Please?

One day, I was passing a little girl in the hallway.  She was sitting the hallway reading to another child.  She was very young and not in my class yet.  However, she did know me. 

As I passed, she jumped up, yelled "I want a hug!"  and wrapped her arms around me.  Boy could she squeeze.

After a few seconds passed and she hadn't let go, I started to pat her on the head and shoo her away.  Before I could manage it, however, she lets go, yells "I'm done." and sits back down, just as if nothing had happened. 

Guess she had her fix for the day.

In the Jungle...

My first day of student teaching, I walked around the room as the normal teacher was doing the lesson.  The lesson for the day was on tree rings, about how the trees grew a new layer every growing season (about one a year) so that you could tell how old a tree was.  When the lesson was finished, their assessment was to color a picture of tree rings and count them.

I walked around the room watching as the kids colored.  Most of the stumps were brown, tan, yellow, etc.  One little boy, however, was coloring wildly with every color known to man and a few that I'm pretty sure were new. 

I asked him, "Bub, what's wrong with your tree?" in a joking manner.

Without looking up, he replied, without hesitation, "Mine's gots Jungle Fever!"

I had to walk outside my first half hour of teaching just to laugh.

Justice League

At our school, we're allowed to dress casually on Fridays. 

There was a little boy there that would only call me Batman, for whatever reason.  That's the only thing he would ever call me.  I feel the need to mention he was very young, and not yet in any of my classes.  But, for all intents and purposes, I was Batman to him.

Now, I'm not the kind to pass up a good joke.  So, one casualy Friday I decide to mess with his mind, as I am apt to do.  I wore a Superman tshirt to work.  I couldn't wait to pass him in the hall to see what would happen with his customary, "Hi Batman!"

Friday comes around, I go to work in my super duds, and when the time is right, walk down the hall so that I pass him.

He looks up, hand in the air to wave and says, "Hi, Bat...."  A look of confusion crosses his face.  Finally, he shrugs, says, "Hi Batman!" and happily trods off to breakfast.

All that happened in the space of about 3 seconds.  So, it didn't matter what I was wearing, dang it, I WAS Batman.

Just to let you know, he doesn't call me that much anymore.

Lights! .... Action!

We were working with lights in my science class.  Each group was given a bulb with a half-circle reflector.  One little boy was hooking it up.  He put the bulb in the socket, and laid the reflector down, bulb side up.  Keep that thought.  Then, he plugs the cord in.

Now, this particular model has a switch on the wire, to turn the bulb on.  Remember how the boy laid the light down with the bulb pointing upward?  Kind of pointing at his face?  Let's break down the rest of the story in number format.

1. He thumbs the switch, turning the light on.
2. Light, being the selfish pain-in-the-butt it is, smacks into his face at the speed of, well, light.
3. Caught completely unaware, the little boy drops everything, covers his eyes with his hands, and proceeds to scream, "Ah!  Ah!  Ah!"  at the top of his lungs.

Sometimes, its hilarious when they don't listen.

Sticks and Stones...

I had the privelage one year of teaching summer school.  Not only that, but I got to teach kindergarten, which is a big difference from my normal grade 3 to 6 range, so I was looking forward to it. 

Of course, it was a big change and took alot of adjustment on my part, but I had a great time. 

One day, towards the close of the summer, a little girl comes up to me crying.  I kneel down and use my comforting voice to try to soothe her.  "What's wrong sweety?"

Her lip trembles a bit and she points to a little boy across the room.  She sniffles a little bit and has to fight to control herself.  "He called me sexy!"

That's kind of amusing coming from a couple of kindergartners.  However, I try to keep the smile off my face and deal with it.  However, before I can say anything, she has more to say.

"He called me sexy...  And I am NOT sexy!" she bawled.

Well, I'll have to agree.  Cute, hilarious, and adorable, are a different matter, though.

Anger Management

One of our little girls was giving me the evil eye one morning as I walked by. Since this child is not in my classes, I wondered what I had done, so I stopped to talk to her.

She was mad at our superintendent, she told me, because we were on an hour delay that morning and her class didn't get to have P.E. Which is the reason she was upset. Well, part of the reason.

Going on, she said was even madder because our superintendent, who lives close to her, stole her ice cream. Naturally, I was curious.

"He went to your house and stole your ice cream?" I asked. I had to hear this story.

"No silly." she began, "I picked out the ice cream I wanted at the store, and before we got it, he took it and left."

That's priceless.

Oh, and the kind she had picked out, that the superintendent got the last of, it was simple Neapolitan.