Sick and Twisted

The rumor about me at school is that I am mean and evil. I love that rumor. I started it. How it began, was that when I would tell a kid no to something, for whatever reason, they would look at me with world-weary eyes and say what all kids say when they get a negative response. "You're mean."

To that, I would reply, "And...."

Then the kid would roll their eyes, and in a voice suggesting many repetitions, say, "Mean AND evil."

There are more instances. For example, in one class, a little girl was having trouble stapling some papers together, so she marched up to me and told me to hold her papers for her. I had been watching, and she had struggled with this thing for several minutes. I'd have stepped in to help already, but I was trying hard to contain my laughter. Some of the noises she was making rivaled that of some bodybuilders I know when they're going for a new record on the bench press. Keep in mind, this kid weighs around 60 pounds, tops.

I held her papers for her as she struggled and struggled to staple them, not making any headway. Finally, she gave up and handed it to me with the instructions, "I quit. You do it."

For the first time I was able to see just why she was having so much trouble with the stapler. It had been out of staples the whole time.

Trying very hard not to laugh and make her self-conscious, I told her what was wrong. She straightened up and got real serious. She looked at the stapler, then back to me.

While glaring her most evil glare at me, which was still pretty cute, she said, “You’re a sick, twisted man.” Then promptly grabber her un-stapled papers, turned, and walked away.

Magical

This story occurred while we were watching an educational video (how exciting!) on cells in science class. I am not a big movie-during-class person, but the kids had been good for a sub, so we had done a project that they could eat. While they ate their projects, the video played.

At one point, during a closeup of the cell organelle the mitochondria, the dull announcer's voice intoned, "Now let's take a closer look at the magical world of the mitochondrian..."

A little girl sitting near to where I was standing had a thought. "He says it's magical, but I bet there's no unicorns."

I can't argue with that kind of logic.