If... Then...

We were counting money in a math lesson today.  One of my little boys got excited and told me, "When I'm President, I'm going to make a $4 bill."

Ok.  I had to know, so I asked, "What would you do that for?"  I should have known better.

While he looked at me like I was asking why it hurts to lick electricity, one of his friends answered, "So you can break $100 bills." 

Then they both grin at me like that explained everything.

Is it just me that is totally lost in that exchange?

Crush

One of my little girls came up to me one morning as proud as she could be.  I knew that she had a crush on one of her older brother's friends.  I was sure she was about to tell me more about that from her blushing face and silly grin. 

"I got a hug from him!" she exclaimed.  I smiled and asked her what she did after the hug.

Looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world, she told me, "I turned bright red and ran away!"

Aww, young love.

Checking...

We did math problems the other day.  Most teachers will tell you that there are always a couple kids that finish every assignment quickly and perfectly.  As usual, I had some to do that, so I gave them a job.

"Go around and check the others and make sure they're doing good." I told them.

One of the little boys took it seriously.  "I better put on my checking face," he said.  With that, he made a horrible frown, in the manner of Walter, from Jeff Dunham.

Apparently, the math teacher needs to smile more.

Nicknames

As we were walking up the hall this morning, one of my little girls came up and said, "Do you know what my new nickname is?"

I replied that I didn't, and she answered, "It's B.C."

Before I could ask the obvious question, she answered it for me.  "Mr. S gave it to me.  It stands for Birth Control."

...........?


As I leaned against the wall gasping for air, she told me the story.

In her words:

"My friend yelled at me yesterday in Mr. S's class and he thought they said Birth Control.  So that's my new name."






Honestly, a day with some kids is the best form of birth control you can get, I have to agree.

This Lil Piggy...

One of my little girls was trying to figure out the density of a sample she had been measuring.  She had taken the volume and the mass and was using a calculator to work out the density.  I normally hate calculators, but I just didn't have classtime to devote to the long division.

She kept typing the numbers into the calculator and restarting, getting more and more frustrated each time she started over.  Hoping to avoid controversy, I just observed, not saying anything.

Finally, she dropped it on the desk and looked up. "Mr. Hall!" she yelled.  "My fingers is trying to punch in the numbers, but they're too fat and the numbers is too skinny!"

Exactly how does one exercise their fingers?  My only thought was digging for nose gold.

With a Shovel...

We were doing an experiment in science class, and part of their assignment was to find the mass of some marbles.  The students were using a small electronic scale with a flat top. 

I was attempting to give some guidance on how to mass the marbles without them rolling off the scale.  "Take your little cup and lay it on the scale.  You should have the mass of the cup showing." I said.  They had to get rid of that number in order to find the mass of JUST the marbles.  We had been over this before, so I asked, "Now what do you hit?"

A voice from the back answered, "Rock bottom!"

They were right.

Flying Monkeys

We were talking about natural parks in social studies class.  For an assignment, I had them to create a nature park poster talking about how to protect a park that they imagined.  One of my little boys is quite obsessed with monkeys, so his park was monkey-themed, of course.

He was showing his poster off to the class and sharing his great love of monkeys with us.  Then,he proceeds to tell us that one of his strategies to protect his park was to put the monkeys in their pockets for protection.

All I could think of was the phrase, "monkey in my pocket."  But I didn't break.  I didn't laugh or giggle (though I will admit to a wicked smile).

Then, in a fit of imagination of pretending he was smuggling his beloved monkeys, he leans over and starts screaming at his belly (I hope), "Bad monkey!  No biting!"

I had to walk outside.

The Truth

In class today, the kids were filling out a worksheet.  One question asked:

Geography is _______________________________________.  Of course, it was looking for a definition.

One little boy had a better answer.

He wrote in, "Hard".

This Isn't the Place...

We were in class one day and I notice one of my little girls scribbling away on her notepad.  Since we were conducting an experiement that didn't require so much writing, I assumed she was writing a note to one of her buddies.

"Hey, put the note away or I'll read it to everyone." I told her.

She looked at me like I was an idiot and replied, "If I was going to write a note, I'd wait til I got to math class.  Duh."

I should probably tell the math teacher, but what fun would that be?   Besides, I have a hunch she knows already.

Back to the Future...

Kids today have a way of making you feel old, even if you don't feel it normally.

One day, one of my little boys brings up a box of sports cards.  "Will you watch these for me today so I don't lose them?" he asks.

My students always bring me stuff they don't want to lose.  I told him to put them in a certain spot that I could watch.  However, he wanted to be sure I understood the importance of his loot.

"Some of these are collectibles, and some are really old," he told me.  "Some of them are even from the 19's!"

Really, guy?  Really?

Guess that proves that my generation had the coolest stuff after all.